Be humble.
You may be God's or Goddess' gift to the world and the most sought after
prize in town, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You
will have ample opportunity to show how good you are. No matter what
you claim, the "real you" will show through in a scene. Don't set yourself
up for failure by developing expectations that you know you and your
top can never reach.
Be open. You can learn something about SM and about
yourself from everyone into the scene, no matter how experienced or
inexperienced they are, or how dominant or submissive they are. SM is
a very personal art, and an "I already know it all" attitude will make
you miss valuable SM lessons and experiences, and ignore potentially
valuable SM friends.
Communicate! Verbalization is necessary, but at the
appropriate time and in the appropriate way. Your top needs to know
basic information about you, such as experiences, fantasies, health
concerns, and turn-offs. But - unless it's an emergency - wait until
your top asks. Don't expect your dominant to be a mind-reader who instinctively
knows your needs, wants, and limits. Your cooperation will enhance the
scene for both of you.
Be honest. Don't be afraid to share your needs and
fantasies. Your dominant expects it. Honesty about your wants, health
concerns, and turn-offs is essential to a good scene. Lying or being
less than candid can only lead to problems, as the top will base the
scene on inaccurate information. Besides causing problems, it can be
dangerous.
Be vulnerable. Your scene is a two-way street. It is
not just the physical realization of your prior fantasies. If you want
to limit your experience to certain physical and psychological stimulation,
then contract with your top ahead of time. But don't always expect your
top to be a puppet in a fantasy play you've written in your head. It's
far better to let your top surprise you, to extend your limits, to take
you to places you're never been before. When you trust your top completely,
let her or him know it, and let him or her guide you into new fantasies.
Be realistic. Your dominant is human, and even the
most experienced tops have moments of awkwardness and indecision. Don't
call attention to what you perceive as a lapse. Know the difference
between reality and the fantasy world you see in books and magazines.
Few tops are rich enough to afford a large dungeon with a lavish layout
of equipment. Your top's equipment is expensive - respect it and don't
abuse it.
Be really submissive! This is the whole point. Let
your dominant take you over completely. Don't coach or second guess
or be critical of your top. Exchange information on your special needs
before the scene starts, but once it starts be quiet! If you insist
on running a scene to your own specifications, then you should try being
a top. You have agreed to limitations of your own power. Stay within
those limitations. Respect and obey your top and expect punishment if
you don't. Accept it gracefully and cheerfully. Your top has many things
to be concerned with, including your safety and what turns you on. Be
loyal and dependable and enjoy your role.
Be healthy! SM, like any strenuous activity, requires
that its participants - both active and passive - be in top physical
and emotional health. The amount you sleep, your eating habits, your
alcohol and drug intake, and everyday stress affect your response and
endurance during a scene. Your dominant needs to know when your physical
or emotional energy is low. No matter how tempting a scene sounds, an
"I want it all now" attitude when you aren't able to give your all will
leave both of you feeling let down. You serve your dominant and yourself
best by staying healthy.
Have fun! After all, sex is all about having a good
time. You have earned and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasure
which comes from responsible, creative SM play.
Note from Webmaster - This
is the counterpoint to 'Ten Rules
for Dominants'
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