Okay, okay, so, what do you actually DO, anyway? Ah, now that's the fun part!

There are as many ways to "do" BDSM stuff as there are people...so really, what you can do is almost limitless. These are just a few ideas to bring into your sex life.

This page is divided into categories, with ideas ranging from mild to very kinky.

The categories: Toys / Techniques / Role-Playing Scenarios

Before we get to the good stuff, though, a few safety tips are in order.

Talk about what's going on with your partner. You don't necessarily have to tell him or her exactly what you're planning; in fact, sometimes surprises are fun. But you don't want to do anything your partner hates, either. This isn't just for one person's benefit.

Establish a "safeword." What's that? It's a code word that the submissive can use to mean "stop. Really. I mean it." You don't want to use a word like "no" or "stop," because sometimes you might want to work a pretend struggle into your fantasy. (I like "aardvark.") If your scene involves gagging your partner, establish another way that that person can say "Enough"--one common solution is for the gagged partner to hold a bell or some other object, and drop it if things get to be too much.

Keep a few things handy. You want to tie somebody up? Cool, but have some scissors on hand in case you need to get 'em loose in a hurry. A pair of bandage scissors, which have one pointed blade and one blunt blade, can be slipped beneath a bond without risk of cutting the skin, and is especially handy. And for God's sake, make sure you have a key before you try on those handcuffs!

Pay attention! Really. Use common sense. Don't rush full-tilt into things you haven't tried yet. Take it slow.
With that in mind, let's get to the things you can really do. (Some of the scenarios are written from the point of view of a male dominant and a female submissive, but they'll work any way you want to try them.)

Toys

This section describes fun things you can do with everyday objects in a D/s context.

Clothespins make wonderful toys. (Told you we'd get to that in the "How" part!) They can be clamped to all sorts of interesting parts of the body, and the sensation--especially on sensitive parts like nipples--is quite intense indeed. Furthermore, the longer they stay on, the more intense the sensation when they come off.

Clamp them to nipples, or anywhere along the breasts; along the sides, arms, legs, and thighs; and in fact almost any other place you can think of.

Generally speaking, plastic clothespins produce more intense sensation than wooden clothespins, and small clothespins have a sharper "bite" than larger clothespins.

Make a zip strip: If you really feel adventurous, take about six wooden clothespins and drill a small hole in one handle of each one, near the end. Then, tie the clothespins along a piece of twine, leaving about four inches or so between clothespins.

The result, called a "zipper" or "zip strip," is a series of clothespins that can be clamped in a row along your partner's body--for example, on your partner's belly, up along your partner's body, over your partner's breast, and on your partner's nipple.

Once the clothespins are in place, it's just a matter of finding exactly the right time to tug sharply on the twine, pulling the row of clothespins free, one after the other...

A wicked variant on this idea: tie one end of a long piece of twine to a clothespin. Run the twine through a pully in the ceiling, and attach a weight to the other end. Clamp the clothespin on your partner's nipple (or any other suitable place!), and have your partner hold the twine in his or her teeth, so that if your partner lets go, the weight will fall and pull the clothespin off. Now, see if you can make your partner let go...

Dice and cards also add all kinds of potentially interesting variation to your sex life. I like using things like dice and cards, because they can create an element of surprise and tension. You can make your own cards from 3x5" index cards; or, better still, get a deck of blank playing cards from a hobby shop.

A punishment box is a good way to keep a submissive in line. Make a set of cards, each of which has an erotic punishment written on it. If the submissive misbehaves, he or she has to draw a punishment at random from the box. Or, if you prefer, make your submissive create the cards--preferably while aroused, as people who are aroused will think of devious things that people who aren't aroused won't.

You can even make a game out of creating the punishment box! Tell the submissive to create a certain number of punishments each day. The dominant will review each one to make sure it is actually a punishment, and reject any that are really rewards in clever disguise. Of course, the submissive will need to be punished for each rejected card...

Meta-punishments can be fun, too. For example, one punishment card might be "Draw two more cards and accept both punishments," or "Flip a coin: heads, you draw one card; tails, you draw two."

Knives can make fun and psychologically powerful sex toys

You do not actually have to cut your partner in order to do knife play. A semi-sharp or pointed knife edge drawn over skin, not hard enough to break the skin, is an intense and erotically charged sensation--especially if it is combined with a blindfold. Draw the knife very slowly over your partner's body for an emotionally intense effect.

If the knife is kept in a freezer before you use it, it can actually feel much sharper than it is; a blindfolded submissive may believe that you are actually cutting with the knife, when in fact you are not. The back, chest, thighs, and legs are excellent places for knife play.

Saran Wrap is a fun, sexy bondage implement

Bondage doesn't always involve ropes and chains. Ordinary saran wrap works very well for bondage; your partner stands with his or her arms at their sides while you wrap them from head to foot in a coccoon of saran wrap. This is a quick, easy bondage technique that's highly secure, and a nude person wrapped in see-through wrap is quite sexy. The saran wrap allows for all kinds of interesting sensation play, from mild play with ice cubes to more intense play with knife tips. You can spank, poke, pinch, and otherwise play with any part of your partner's body without any ropes getting in your way; this is very effective when combined with a blindfold.

Ritual can be a very powerful technique in domination and submission. A submissive can be required to perform certain rituals, automatically and without prompting, at certain times or during certain events.

For example, you might create a ritual where the submissive is required to masturbate to orgasm every time he or she showers or bathes. This is an expected and required part of the process; the submissive should not need to be prompted.

A more risque ritual might require a submissive to find some way to masturbate to orgasm at least twice per week while at work.

Dice or other randomizing elements can be integrated into ritual, as well, One possibility, for example, is to require the submissive to roll a die each morning; the submissive's responsibility then becomes to have exactly that many orgasms that day, by whatever means necessary.

Techniques

Orgasm Denial. This is a fun, and frustrating, technique that can bring some of the spark back into sex. There are a hundred variations, but the basic idea is simple: prevent your partner from having an orgasm for a length of time (a day, two days, a week, whatever you want). You shouldn't make it easy; you can, for example, require that your partner have sex one or more times a day, or masturbate regularly (this works well when combined with a ritual of some sort), but your partner is not allowed any sexual release. Over time, the sexual tension builds up, and your partner becomes perpetually aroused.

When done over a period of several days or longer, this technique creates a very powerful level of sexual excitement. When you do finally allow your partner release, it's an extremely intense experience.

Human Sex Doll. This is a good way to explore your partner and get your feet wet in D/s. The premise is simple: the submissive partner is a living sex toy, and allows the dominant to put him or her into any position and take any action, and the submissive partner remains completely passive throughout. The submissive partner simply remains in whatever position the dominant places him or her into, and does not take an active role in any way whatsoever as the dominant explores the submissive.

Enforced Availability. This works best with a female submissive, and is especially good for those of you with an objectification fetish.

Choose a specific period of time, such as one particular day, when your partner is required to be available for sex at all times, regardless of her state of arousal. During this time, she is required to do whatever is necessary to keep herself ready for sexual penetration or intercourse. Periodically throughout the day, you should take advantage of her availability by taking her sexually, without warning and regardless of what she's doing at the time. Keeping herself available and well-lubricated is part of her responsibility; she should be ready for you constantly, at any time.

Eroticising everyday activities. There are a number of ways you can integrate D/s into things that normally don't have any connection with sex, eroticising them. For example, you might go into a pet store and have your submissive try on various collars right there in the store, then buy the one that looks the best. Or, you might send the submissive partner into a grocery store to buy innocuous things which suggest a sexual context--such as a cucumber and a box of condoms. This creates a psychological effect where the submissive is convinced that everybody knows exactly what's going on (and he or she may be right...).

Sensation play. This is a technique suited for anyone with a very sensual approach to sexual exploration. The idea is very simple; start by blindfolding your lover (and tying him or her down, if that sounds like fun to you), then subjecting him or her to a wide variety of different sensations. For example, you may stroke your lover'sbody with ice, or drip hot wax on his or her body, or caress your lover's skin with soft fur, coarse sandpaper, and other textures.

A bit more intensity can be had by using a dull butter knife you've kept in the freezer for a few hours (the cold edge of a dull knife can feel very sharp!).

Public play. There are many techniques involving D/s in a public space, particularly where feelings of vulnerability are created.

For example: Take your partner out to a very ritzy dinner at an upscale restaurant. Midway through dinner, quietly slip your partner some sort of sex toy. Order your partner to go to the restroom, go into a stall, strip naked, and masturbate to orgasm. As a particularly evil twist, you can order your partner to return to the table still wearing the toy. Doing something like this is a very effective way of creating a delightful sense of vulnerability.

The Sealed List. This technique is good for long-distance relationships, or if the dominant partner will be leaving home for a time. Make a list of actions or commands, one per page, on a series of sheets of paper, and seal each one in an envelope. Put a random number on each envelope. The instructions sealed into each envelope should direct the submissive to open another envelope, perhaps immediately or perhaps the next day. Create some dummy envelopes too, so that you'll know if your submissive partner opened them. (By keeping the scenarios sealed in envelopes, you can preserve the suspense; the submissive can't open all the envelopes and read them all at once.)

Each envelope should direct the submissive to do something sexual that will take a fairly good length of time.

Conditioning (part I) The human brain is a remarkable organ; creative, good at pattern matching and association, and capable of learning. This affords all manner of ways to have some kinky fun.

One idea that works particularly well is to condition your partner to want something which he or she normally wouldn't want, and to anticipate and even ask for things that test limits.

Pick something that's within your partner's hard limits, but that normally your partner would never vountailry want or ask for. Something that you might otherwise use as a punishment is good; something your partner finds humiliating, for example, or otherwise challenging to endure.

Describe how you are going to do this thing to your partner. Take your time; let the apprehension build. Explain in loving detail what you're going to do, and how it's going to feel. When your partner is writhing and twisting in apprehension, explain that you're not going to do it until they ask you to. And tell them to make it convincing.

Don't give it to your partner right away. Order your partner to keep asking for it until you are absolutely convinced that they want it. Tell them to beg for it, and to describe how badly they want you to do it. Only after your partner is begging and pleading should you do to them whatever it is.

The interesting thing about doing this is that human responses work both ways; our emotional state influences our actions, but our actions also influence our emotional state. A person who finds himself or herself begging for something will really begin to want that thing, even if he or she would not ordinarily want it at all!

Conditioning (part II) Another fun and kinky way to play with the mind's incredible flexibility is to use good old-fashioned operant conditioning in the bedroom.

Pick a word, or a name, and say it when your partner reaches orgasm. Keep saying it as your partner comes. Continue to do this every time you have sex; gradually use the word just the instant before your partner comes, then a little bit longer before orgasm, then a little bit longer...

With work and practice, it's often possible to train your partner to orgasm whenever they hear that word. Like, in the mall, in the office, anywhere.

Role-Playing Scenarios

The Photo Shoot. This is a fun scenario with a bonus: a little something after it's done as a keepsake.

One person is a professional photographer, specializing in erotic and sensual photography. The other is the client, who wants a special set of photographs.The client commissions the photographer to do a sexy series of photos, in whatever pose the photographer wants.

After the shoot is over, the photographer reveals a catch: the photographer wants payment for the shoot in a...special form. Rather than paying the normal fee, the client will pay the photographer in sexual favors. The client renders payment by becoming the photographer's plaything, agreeing to do whatever the photographer says. The photographer may even do a second shoot to record the events...

The Pirate. This is a basic roleplaying scenario. You're the rapacious pirate plundering the village; she's the innocent maiden in the local town. (It works particularly well if you have an eyepatch and a bandana.) She's at home alone, minding her own business, when you come crashing through the door. She struggles, of course, but she's helpless to resist you. Swooping down on her, you bodily rip her clothing from her and pin her against the wall. You hold her there by the wrists while you explain what you're going to do to her. Then, finally, you ravish her until you're thoroughly satisfied.

Dinner and a Movie. This one explores the psychology of power exchange. One of you agrees to be the submissive for the evening; the other is the dominant, the maestro, the one whose word is law. You go out for an evening on the town--a formal dinner, perhaps, and maybe a movie afterward. The dominant should establish a few rules beforehand; for example, the submissive is not allowed to speak to or have any contact with anyone except the dominant. So, for example, when you're ordering your meals in the restaurant, the submissive cannot tell the waiter what to bring; he or she must tell the dominant, who will then tell the waiter. (Or, you can turn this around; the dominant speaks to nobody except through the submissive.) Rules like this are fun to play with, because while the people around you may notice something is going on, the won't know exactly what. As the evening progresses, the dominant can find all kinds of delightfully subtle ways to tease the submissive.

Perhaps he'll tell her to go to the ladies room and remove her underwear, the better to tease her in a darkened theater. Maybe he'll order her not to come back out until she has thoroughly aroused herself.

Or perhaps she'll have to wear a sex toy of some sort under her clothes. Maybe during dinner he can whisper to her what he's going to do to her when they get back home.

The key to enjoying this kind of scenario is to keep it quiet; it's great fun if nobody else has the slightest idea what's going on. (To an aroused submissive, it will seem like it's obvious and that everybody knows what's happening--and that's part of the fun!)

Mad Scientist. In this game, the dominant is the evil mad scientist, and the submissive is his helpless experimental victim. The mad scientist (who for effect can be wearing rubber gloves and a disposable laboratory gown) has the subject tied to his examining table deep in the heart of his laboratory, and can perform all manner of experiments on her. He might, for example, probe her in various places using any one of a number of suitable laboratory instruments (vibrators are good for this). Perhaps while he's doing that, he might put clothespins on her nipples, to see how they respond to compression. Maybe he'll want to experiment to see how long she can be stimulated without being allowed to climax. He could keep her there through the long hours of the night, conducting endless experiments to find out how many times she can climax, or how large a probe she can accept, or how deeply she can be penetrated...you get the idea.

If you happen to be polyamorous, an interesting variant on this game is "Mad Scientist, Submissive Lab Assistant, and Innocent Victim."

Ravishment. (good for female submissives) This starts as a romantic evening at home. It can be dinner for two, or cocktails, or simply wine in front of the fireplace. In any event, after kissing, cuddling and necking for awhile, she refuses to go farther. Slapping him, or pinching him in the middle of a clinch, should be last ditch actions.

Finally he reaches his limit. When she rejects his demand that she "put out", he ties her up, then has his way with her until she begs him for release.

Crime and Punishment. Make up some silly rules, the violation of which is grounds for arrest. One such "rule" might be Attempted Seduction; another could be Aggregated Sexiness, or Possession of a Dangerous Body. Or she can to wear hooker clothes, and stand on the corner of Driveway and Garage Door when he drives home. She makes him an offer, only to learn that he's a vice cop.

In any case, she's placed under arrest. He makes her "spread 'em", frisks her, and ties her hands -- it's been a busy night, they're out of handcuffs. This can also explain why she's tied to a chair in the squad (bed) room instead of going to lockup. If she smarts off to the arresting officer, he might even gag her.

Depending on your own particular tastes, she could get a bench trial and be sentenced to a spanking. Or she could bribe the officer with her body...

Switch Tease. Before anything gets underway, she ties his hands and blindfolds him. Then she puts on a sexy outfit that he likes her to wear. (Have you ever had to sit and listen to a woman change clothes?) When she's ready, she removes the blindfold, and proceeds to tease her prisoner unmercifully with her body. At some point, of course, she makes a mistake. Perhaps his pleas to be allowed to touch her make her careless. In any event, he gets loose, siezes her in his strong, masculine arms, and proceeds to tie her up. He then drives her wild with desire, until, standing over his captive, he slowly strips . . . Okay, you get the idea.

Exchange of Power. (Good for bondage fans, rather than D/s fans) She dresses in full Domme gear -- black lace bustier, long gloves, stockings and high heeled boots -- or a reasonable and affordable facsimile. She also needs a weapon -- a whip is of course traditional, but a toy pistol could also be used. She struts out and confronts him, orders him about like a mere slave. Perhaps he goes along for a bit, lulling her into false security. Then he swings into action, knocking her talisman of power from her hand. Perhaps he gives her "The Kiss of the Petite Mort"--a kiss so romantically powerful that her will is completely sapped. Or if they want to play a little rougher, he simply clips her (lightly!) on the jaw, knocking her out. Then he ties her up. She struggles fetchingly in her unyielding bonds, demanding release until her gags her. Then, slowly, he has his way with her helpless body . .

Playing Army. This one can be played either of two ways: Either the resistance fighter has been captured by the local garrison -- tied to a chair and interrogated as to the location of the secret base -- or the soldier has been caught by the local guerrillas, who are known for their ruthless treatment of the Occupation forces.

There are two costume choices. Either he puts on a "uniform" of dark green work pants, T-shirt and combat boots while she wears a partisenne costume of satin skirt, striped T-shirt, beret, and heels. Or he wears the beret and stripes as the Partisan while she wears a military-looking skirted suit with brass decorations and boots.

Pick a war, pick a side, have fun with it. In any case, the captive should manage to seduce the guard and escape.

Burglar. (This is for guys to spring on girls) Call your lady friend. Tell her you've heard that there are Burglars in her neighborhood, who prey on the type of young, beautiful, single woman who traipeses around her apartment at 8:00 in the evening wearing sexy lingerie. They tie these women up, ransack their bedrooms, then Have Their Way with their helpless victims. They seldom even have to break in, because these women are the scatterbrained type who leave their front doors unlocked.

I mean: Lay it on with a trowel. Make it abundantly clear to your friend that she should be lounging around her place in lingerie with the front door unlocked at 8 o'clock tonight.

Obviously, you go over to her place at 8, wearing a burglar costume: Black shirt, black slacks, leather gloves, a swag bag, and a mask of some kind. When you buzz, announce "Burglars!" in a friendly voice (assuming there's nobody else in the lobby) Go up to her place. Open the door. Tiptoe around until you find your lady, hopefully dressed to please you. You could "chloroform" her by holding a handkerchief soaked in cheap cologne lightly over her nose and mouth for a few seconds; Or she could obligingly faint at the very sight of you. Or you can simply seize her in your strong, manly arms. The result is the same: She gets bound and gagged in her bedroom, where she must sit / lie helplessly while you go through her dresser drawers, take her costume jewelry, rummage in her purse, and generally violate her space. Then you can violate her. After you've taken everything of value, you leave her tied up and go. (NOTE DANGER WARNING ALERT PAY ATTENTION! Do NOT go out any doors that lock, period!) Just go a short distance away. Wait a few minutes. Put on a different shirt, and take off the mask. Then go back into the bedroom with a cheerful, "Here I am to protect you from the burglars -- Heavens! What happened!!" Untie her, take her in your arms, comfort her an any way she may desire. See how many ways she can show her gratitude for being rescued.

For people whose tastes are a bit spicier, you can do the same sort of scenario with less warning. Call your partner and tell her you've just seen a news report that says there's a burglar in the area. Then, dress as a burglar, and creep into your house. Catch your partner by surprise, physically overpower her, and have your way with her.

Burglar II. (Good for submissive females) In this version, she's the burglar -- black leotard, black tights, high-heeled boots and mask. She sneaks into his apartment, and begins rummaging through his things. Suddenly the lights go on -- she's caught! He ties her up to hold her for the cops. She pleads with him, and offers *anything* if he will let her go. . . .

Exorcism. This is a complex role-playing scenario good for psychological interplay. In this scenario, one partner is possessed by a demon; the other partner is a member of the clergy called in to cast out the evil spirit.

The demon does not want to go, of course, and will do anything, up to and including trying to seduce the clergyman, to escape. Complicating the scenario is the fact that the person possessed by the demon is sexually chaste and naive, and is quite shocked by the things the demon is making him or her do; complicating it still further is the fact that the clergyman is also sexually naive and inexperienced. So the evil demon forces a sexually timid person to seduce the inexperienced priest in some extremely vulgar and profane ways, much to the chagrin of the person whose body the demon has inhabited, and is using...

This scenario can allow you to really play up the virgin/whore dichotomy. It also allows for a great deal of very kinky humiliation play, where the person possessed by the demon will describe himself or herself in graphic and vulgar terms, and perform very kinky actions, while still trying to "resist" doing these things. Will the priest be able to cast out the demon before both people lose their purity? Probably not...

The Deprogramming. This is a scenario that's similar in some ways. It's also psychologically complex. One person is a brainwashed cult victim recently rescued from the clutches of a cult; the other is an unethical deprogrammer.

The deprogrammer is trying to undo the effects of the cult brainwashing. During this process, the cult victim becomes confused, and loses all perspective on the difference between right and wrong. The unethical deprogrammer takes advantage of the vulnerable cult victim by making the victim do things for the deprogrammer's own twisted sexual gratification.

These kinds of things all qualify as "doing" BDSM; there are endless variants on these ideas, and a whole rich territory outside these particular scenarios to explore. Some people might be interested in doing this sort of thing only occasionally, and alternate between who's the dominant and who's the submissive; other people like to make dominance and submission a full-time part of their lives. The point is to have fun with it; discover what arouses you and do it!

(With thanks to C. A. Hogue for feedback and scenario ideas)

By Franklin Veaux - Visit his website here